This. Hit. Home.

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Yes! This is me!

One thing I hate about homeschooling is people praising me about how patient I am... how brave I am...and then they go on to bash themselves saying they'd never be able to homeschool because they're not as organized or whatever blah blah blah blah.

Disclaimer - I know homeschooling isn't for everyone but it really pains me to see people saying they wish they home schooled but just cant, because they're not [insert quality here] enough.

I've said it before and I'll say this again, I'm far from perfect and you're than welcome to ask my kids and hubby how flawed I really am.  I try telling parents who ask me how I do it, but I dont think it always comes out right.  But this article nails it on the head.  This is me. I am highly sensitive and it wasnt until I read this that I realized that.

The key to me surviving homeschooling has been I've been blessed enough to find ways to cope with being highly sensitive.  I've been blessed with awesome support as well.  And one of the biggest blessings has been learning more about myself.  Learning when to let go.  When to not care.  When to ask for a break, or when to take a break from homeschooling.

There are days when we do nothing.  Like absolutely nothing.  Actually there are weeks when we do nothing.  There are days when my house is such a disaster that you'd seriously not want to come in.  There are days when my kids have eaten cold leftover french fries, or chips and chocolate for breakfast.  Yes, breakfast.  There are days I sit and daydream about what it would be like to send my kids to school.  And there are days where Im in tears by bedtime thinking I can't do this anymore.

The more I homeschool, the more I learn to laugh at myself.  To not care about the temporary imbalance in my kids dietary intake or the fact the only educational activity has been a youtube video.

I've come to the realization its okay to lock myself in the bathroom so I can get a minute to myself.
Or to stick my kids infront of the TV so I can drink my tea in peace.

I've learned this whole unschooling business doesn't work as well for my family as I once thought it would and that the white board where I write our daily to do list helps us to stay focused and productive and happy.

Homeschooling is a lot about teaching kids.  But sometimes I feel its even more about my own learning.  About myself and life in general.

I hope and pray that despite our bad days, we come out of this journey successful, and despite our countless mistakes, I pray Allah accept it from us and is pleased with us, Ameen.


And here is the article you must read....click here.

Bully Too Close to Home

Taken from : http://www.handsfreemama.com/2013/12/10/the-bully-too-close-to-home/

During the two years of my overly distracted life, I communicated more to a screen than to the people in my family. My schedule was so tightly packed that I constantly found myself saying, “We don’t have time for that.” And because there wasn’t a minute to spare, that meant no time to relax, be silly, or marvel at interesting wonders along our path. I was so focused on my “agenda” that I lost sight of what really mattered.

Calling all the shots was a mean voice in my head. My internal drill sergeant was continually pushing me to make everything sound better, look better, and taste better. My body, my house, and my achievements were never good enough. Holding myself to such unattainable standards weighed heavily on my soul and my inner turmoil eventually spilled out at people I loved the most.

Sadly, there was one person in particular who bore the brunt of my discontent: my first-born daughter.

She could not make mess without me shaking my head in disappointment.

She could not forget her homework, her jacket, or her lunchbox without me making a big deal about it.

She could not spill,
stain,
break,
or misplace
without being made to feel like she’d made the worst mistake in the world.

Although it pains me to write this, I remember sighing heavily in annoyance when she fell down and hurt herself because it threw me off my “master schedule.” My daughter was not allowed to be a child who learned by trying and yes, sometimes failing.

The truth hurts, but the truth heals … and brings me closer to the person and parent I want to be.

Every time I came down hard on my daughter, I justified my behavior by telling myself I was doing it to help her—help her become more responsible, capable, efficient, and prepare for the real world.

I told myself I was building her up.

But in reality, I was tearing her down.

I vividly remember the day my mother was visiting from out-of-town. The children were playing alone in the basement. My younger daughter began crying hysterically. I ran downstairs fearing she was seriously hurt.

The first question out of my mouth was directed at my older daughter. “What did you do?” I asked angrily.

My child didn’t bother to explain that her little sister had slipped on the library book that was sitting on the bottom step. There really was no point. My beautiful child with humongous brown eyes that once held so much optimism looked defeated. Silent tears of a broken spirit slid down her face. My daughter knew it didn’t matter what she said, she’d still be wrong; it would still be her fault.

And there was my mother standing beside her, a silent witness to the whole ugly scene.

As my older daughter ran off to the sanctity of her bedroom, an unexpected question came out of my mouth. “You think I am too hard on her, don’t you?” I snapped.

My mom, who’d experienced her own difficult parenting moments and struggles, held no judgment in her eyes, only sadness. Her simple response of “yes” only confirmed what I knew in my heart.

I mustered up the courage to find the words that needed to be said. Apologizing didn’t come easily for someone who strived to make everything look perfect all the time, but I knew what needed to be said.

I found my child crumpled up like a dejected rag doll on top of her bed—her face puffy and red from crying.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

My daughter didn’t move.

I sat down on the edge of her bed and began saying things I’d never said to another human being—not even myself. “I feel mad inside a lot. I often speak badly about myself in my head. I bully myself. And when I bully myself, it makes me unhappy and then I treat others badly—especially you. It is not right, and I am going to stop. I am not sure how, but I will stop. I am so very sorry,” I vowed trying not to cry.

My daughter looked unsure as to what to do with this confession, this unusual offering from her mother who rarely admitted any wrongdoing. I didn’t blame her for the skeptical look she gave me. I understood why she didn’t say anything back, but somewhere in those eyes I saw hope—hope that things could be different.

I desperately wanted things to be different too. It was time to stop being so hard on my child; it was time to stop being so hard on myself. I prayed I could stand up to the inner bully. I knew I needed an easy first step. I decided to use one simple word: STOP.

Within the hour, I had a chance to try it. The first critical thought that popped into my head arose as I was preparing to leave the house. I looked at my reflection and thought, “You look fat. You can’t go out looking like that.”

“Stop!” I assertively thought to myself, shutting down any further criticisms. Then I quickly turned away from the mirror and recited these words: “Only love today. Only love today.”

I used the same strategy when interacting with my child a few minutes later. Before any harsh words came out of my mouth about the way she was sloppily packing her bag of things, I cut off my inner critic by saying, “Stop! Only love today.” Then I swallowed the hurtful words and relaxed my disapproving face.

Within mere days of using the “stop” technique, I noticed a change. With a more positive thought process, it was easier to let go of the need to control, dictate, and criticize. In response, my daughter began taking more chances and began revealing her true passions. She started movie making and website design on the computer. She made doll furniture and clothing to sell in the neighborhood. She began baking new recipes without any help. Nothing she did was perfect. Nor was it mess-free or mistake-free, but the moment I said something positive, I saw her blossom a little more. That is when I began to clearly see beyond the mistakes and messes to what was truly important.

I began noticing my child’s inner beauty rather than looking for perfection on the outside.

I began paying more attention to the person she was rather than the successes she achieved.

I began letting her be who she was meant to be instead of some idealistic version I had in my head.

When I stopped being a bully to my child and myself opportunities for growth and connection opened up. Over time, significant progress was made. In a little less than two years on my journey to let go of perfection and distraction, I received the confirmation I never thought I would receive.

My daughter was outside before school tending to a garden she created smack dab in the middle of the yard. I watched from the kitchen window as she lovingly tended to her miniature plot. I was captivated by the utter joy on her face. She was clearly at peace.

Since my dad loves to garden and had taught my daughter a few things, I took a picture and sent my parents. Nothing could have prepared me for the gift I would receive in return.

My parents wrote: “Thank for this precious picture of our beautiful granddaughter. Over the last two years, we have seen a tremendous change in her. We no longer see a scared look in her eyes; she is less fearful about you being upset or impatient with her. She is much happier and more relaxed. She is thriving and growing into a content, creative, and nurturing person. We know for a fact the changes we see in her coincide with the changes we have also seen in you.”

My friends, I have the following message to offer anyone who wants to believe today can be different than yesterday:

If you think that criticizing, belittling, or critiquing yourself will make you smarter, fitter, or more valuable, please reconsider.

If you think badgering, bullying, or constantly correcting your child will make him or her more likable, more confident, or more successful, please reconsider.

Because the truth is this:

It’s hard to love yourself with a bully breathing down your neck.

It’s hard to love yourself when the one person who’s supposed love you unconditionally doesn’t.

It’s hard to become the person you’re supposed to be when you aren’t allowed to fall down and get back up.

If we want our children to become who they’re meant to be, let’s ease up. “Nobody’s perfect” can be two of the most empowering, healing words when said to oneself or to another human being.

Let’s stop the ridicule. Let’s stop the relentless pressure. Let’s stop the impossible pursuit of perfection.

Only love today, my friends. Only love today.

Because love is always a good place to start a new beginning.

How do you do it? [Taken from a homeschooling forum]

To Moms of One or Two Children

How do you do it? 

I've never counted, but I imagine the number of times I've been asked that question by Moms with one or two children is somewhere in the hundreds. I have five children, and judging by the look on the tired and weary faces that pose the question, that number seems simply impossible.

How do you do it? 

Those are five loaded words. I suppose because the "it" behind that question is different for everyone.

How do you care for five little people?
How do you operate on little sleep?
How do you keep them safe?
How do you find time to do the laundry?
How do you afford them?
How do you keep from losing your ever-loving mind?

Mommas of one and two children - I understand every one of these questions. And, I understand just where you're coming from.

There are some things I want you to know about me. About children. About this journey through motherhood that we're both on.

If no one has ever told you...

1. You are maxed out - emotionally and physically - at the number of children you currently have. When I had my two-month old baby Jack, I sat on the edge of my bed and cried like a toddler who dropped her brand new ice cream cone because I thought my life was over. O-VER! This baby child, my supposed dream come true, wanted to wake up in the middle of the night and feed off of me, and all I wanted was to sleep. Baby "Not What I'd Read" would sleep, sleep, sleep all morning while I did dishes and caught up on laundry, but NOOOOOOO way I was gettin' a nap in the afternoon when all of that was finished.

The first time I went to Target with him, I took so much gear with me (I took my Boppy, people), that after I loaded up the cart with him and my gear, I couldn't buy anything because nothing fit.

I was completely overwhelmed. And, then he grew into a mobile baby and I thought it would be a good idea to get pregnant again so that while he was ripping everything out of the cabinets, bleeding from the mouth from playing bumper cars with the coffee table, eating the sofa, crawling the stairs to plummet to his demise, and licking the electrical outlets, I could also be barfing.

And, he still didn't sleep.

And, then his brother arrived. Eighteen months after he was born. And, I had no idea how people could possibly care for two children. Who are these LUNATICS who have a ton of children? How on earth am I supposed to nurse a newborn, and keep my maniac toddler from imminent death?

I was maxed out. It was one of the hardest times of my life - caring for one and then eighteen months later, two of them.

Moms of one and two children - You are doing HARD work. It is overwhelming and completely exhausting and figuring it all out is some of the most physically, mentally, emotionally demanding, and heart-wrenching work you will ever do. I know you are maxed out - in every way. And, I tell you this, not as someone who is patting you on the back and looking at you with condescending pity, but as someone who KNOWS how hard you are working and how taxing this season is on you. But, there is hope. It does get easier. Not because a light bulb goes off one day and you figure it all out.

But, because...

2. You will find your way. Your way. Not your Mom's way. Not Granny's way. Not pushy Aunt Bertie's way.

Your way.

What worked for your mom, Granny, and Aunt Bertie may simply not work for you. I LOVE hearing the wisdom and experiences from the older women in my life, but I HAVE to sift through their advice and experiences and choices to find what really helps me and what doesn't. Not only are children all different, but mothers are different. We tick and tock to different beats - some of us slower and some on hyperspeed, some on schedules and some just wingin' it. (I'm the latter, Lord help me.) As you get to know your children and build your home life, you will find what works for you. You will. And, letting go of the expectations of others is a BIG part of that. Pull what works for you. Respectfully let go of the rest.

This applies to friendships as well. Do you know who my best friends are? The ones that I lean on and trust and cry to and share with? They are my friends who insist, along with me, that there is no one way to do something. I have a very difficult time developing and maintaining friendships with people who have found THE ONE AND ONLY WAY to do something.

"OMG, you gave him PEANUT BUTTER at TEN MONTHS?"
"You don't have a laundry day???"
"Three year-olds should never still be in diapers."

No. We cannot be friends. Not close friends. Not cry on your shoulder friends.

How do you do it? 

I've never counted, but I imagine the number of times I've been asked that question by Moms with one or two children is somewhere in the hundreds. I have five children, and judging by the look on the tired and weary faces that pose the question, that number seems simply impossible.

How do you do it? 

Those are five loaded words. I suppose because the "it" behind that question is different for everyone.

How do you care for five little people?
How do you operate on little sleep?
How do you keep them safe?
How do you find time to do the laundry?
How do you afford them?
How do you keep from losing your ever-loving mind?

Mommas of one and two children - I understand every one of these questions. And, I understand just where you're coming from.

There are some things I want you to know about me. About children. About this journey through motherhood that we're both on.

If no one has ever told you...

1. You are maxed out - emotionally and physically - at the number of children you currently have. When I had my two-month old baby Jack, I sat on the edge of my bed and cried like a toddler who dropped her brand new ice cream cone because I thought my life was over. O-VER! This baby child, my supposed dream come true, wanted to wake up in the middle of the night and feed off of me, and all I wanted was to sleep. Baby "Not What I'd Read" would sleep, sleep, sleep all morning while I did dishes and caught up on laundry, but NOOOOOOO way I was gettin' a nap in the afternoon when all of that was finished.

The first time I went to Target with him, I took so much gear with me (I took my Boppy, people), that after I loaded up the cart with him and my gear, I couldn't buy anything because nothing fit.

I was completely overwhelmed. And, then he grew into a mobile baby and I thought it would be a good idea to get pregnant again so that while he was ripping everything out of the cabinets, bleeding from the mouth from playing bumper cars with the coffee table, eating the sofa, crawling the stairs to plummet to his demise, and licking the electrical outlets, I could also be barfing.

And, he still didn't sleep.

And, then his brother arrived. Eighteen months after he was born. And, I had no idea how people could possibly care for two children. Who are these LUNATICS who have a ton of children? How on earth am I supposed to nurse a newborn, and keep my maniac toddler from imminent death?

I was maxed out. It was one of the hardest times of my life - caring for one and then eighteen months later, two of them.

Moms of one and two children - You are doing HARD work. It is overwhelming and completely exhausting and figuring it all out is some of the most physically, mentally, emotionally demanding, and heart-wrenching work you will ever do. I know you are maxed out - in every way. And, I tell you this, not as someone who is patting you on the back and looking at you with condescending pity, but as someone who KNOWS how hard you are working and how taxing this season is on you. But, there is hope. It does get easier. Not because a light bulb goes off one day and you figure it all out.

But, because...

2. You will find your way. Your way. Not your Mom's way. Not Granny's way. Not pushy Aunt Bertie's way.

Your way.

What worked for your mom, Granny, and Aunt Bertie may simply not work for you. I LOVE hearing the wisdom and experiences from the older women in my life, but I HAVE to sift through their advice and experiences and choices to find what really helps me and what doesn't. Not only are children all different, but mothers are different. We tick and tock to different beats - some of us slower and some on hyperspeed, some on schedules and some just wingin' it. (I'm the latter, Lord help me.) As you get to know your children and build your home life, you will find what works for you. You will. And, letting go of the expectations of others is a BIG part of that. Pull what works for you. Respectfully let go of the rest.

This applies to friendships as well. Do you know who my best friends are? The ones that I lean on and trust and cry to and share with? They are my friends who insist, along with me, that there is no one way to do something. I have a very difficult time developing and maintaining friendships with people who have found THE ONE AND ONLY WAY to do something.

"OMG, you gave him PEANUT BUTTER at TEN MONTHS?"
"You don't have a laundry day???"
"Three year-olds should never still be in diapers."

No. We cannot be friends. Not close friends. Not cry on your shoulder friends.

As you find your way, quick-steppin' to a groove with those babies dancin' along with you, I've got some really, really, really good news...

3. It gets easier. If you let God get bigger.

I now have five children. And, I'm maxed out. Totally maxed out. Just like I was when I had one. And two and three and four.

But, mothering is easier for me now than it used to be. For one reason:

I need God more.

I need Him in the morning. At noon. And at night. I need Him to wipe my tears when my baby won't let me sleep at night. I need Him to calm my heart when I'm changing bed sheets at 2am. I need Him to keep my children safe because I only have two hands and one set of eyes and crossing a parking lot means holding on tight but it also means letting go of "I can do this, I can do this" and trading it for "God, You are with me and You love them, too."

I need Him to help me trade my doing for His doing.

I need His patience.
I need His joy.
I need His love.

You know, I needed God when I had one and two children. But, I had all of this stuff - books and gear and Grannies and know-it-all voices and I had me.

So I flailed about amidst all of that and tried to raise my children in the Land of I Can Do This.

But, God has whittled away all of that other stuff. He's taught me that He loves my children more than I do, and He loves to hear my voice calling out to Him and letting Him fill me with strength and wisdom and love and joy for my children. I don't have it. But, He does.

So, Mommas of one or two littles afoot - when you ask me, "How do you do it?" - I know what you're asking. And, I know what you're feeling and what's behind your eyes and I walked in your shoes and you are doing the HARD, HARD stuff of motherhood.

It is not easier because you "only" have one child. Or two children.

But, as you find your way, and the more you let God be your strength and realize that you cannot in the many ways you think you can, it gets easier.

And, it gets so, so good.

Canada VS Malaysia

We have been hear nearly two months now and alhamdulilah I am feeling more and more comfortable and
familiar here... but its still not home.  MashaAllah there are things I love about Malaysia, but obviously things I miss about Canada.

So I present to you a list (in no specific order) of the things I love about Malaysia and things miss about Canada.

What I miss about Canada:
-It goes without saying, I miss family and friends the most...alhamdulillah there are some nice people here but no one can ever replace family or friendships that have lasted many years....

-Spring, and the smell of spring.  We left Canada at my favourite time of year. Boo.

-Timmies... Oh how I miss my med steeped tea with two milk two sugar

-Bagels! The ultimate comfort food cannot be found here.  Though, I have found cream cheese. Many different flavors of cream cheese.  But whats cream cheese without a bagel?

-Chai.  Theres no Red Rose or Tetly tea bags here... only Lipton, which Im slowly getting used to.

-Cheese.  I've found some cheese here. Cream cheese, sliced cheese and grated cheese.  But I miss my blocks of marble cheese.  Lets see if my Moms theory of avoiding cheese helps you to loose weight?....

-Being able to communicate in fluent English with just about everyone.  Alhamdulillah its not THAT bad here... but English is not as common as I had initially expected. Were slowly getting used to the accent, and sometimes, my husband even speaks in their accent when communicating with them.... apparently doing that more efficient (and pretty hilarious for me to watch!).

-MY VAN!  Ok so I've never been crazy about cars, so long as it gets me from point A to point B safely, Im cool with it. Actually it wasn't even til the boys got a lil older that I became familar with the names of cars.  But last year we bought a brand new Sienna and mashallah it was SO comfy and spacious!  We have somewhat downgraded to some sort of Volvo I don't even know what its called ... but the main thing is that its quite squishy!  Alhamdulillah no doubt I am happy we have a car.  And I don't miss our actual car as much as I miss driving our car!  Which leads me to my next point....

-Driving.  I used to have our car all day every day back home.  Id drop my husband off at work and have the freedom to go wherever my heart desired.... friends houses, playgroups, classes, parks, libraries, Walmart (oh thats something else I miss), Timmies ( when I say that word I can almost smell it in my head...), or run some errands.  I have yet to build the courage to drive with the Hubby, let alone without him.  The traffic is crazy, there are fearless/ crazy motorcycle drivers everywhere and the directions are confusing :/  He keeps  trying to convince me, but well see.  Alhamdulillah he is very accommodating and takes us out whenever he can ... but its still a big adjustment from being out pretty much everyday to be at home so much.  However, on the flip side of things I am enjoying bonding more with the kids, but Ill save that point for the next category.

-Shopping with familiar name brands and products.  There are some things we recognize here, but for the  most part, the local stores have all their own brands and products that we've never seen before.  Sometimes it can be fun and exciting to try new things, but sometimes it frustrating...especially when you have three kids with you.  Like I said I don't go out alone, so its all five of us when we go for groceries.  And sometimes the three munchkins seem to conspire against us and drive us crazy just in time for us to do our weekly shopping.

-Going out alone and / or leaving the kids.  Again, Baba deserves credit for really making an effort to help me out.  But he works, and quite a bit, so he is limited.  I miss having the opportunity to send the boys to a friends for the day so I could get some work done, and hear myself think.  *sigh* alhamdulillah....

-I know I already said friends, my my kids friends deserves to be a point of its own.  Mashallah they had some pretty awesome friends in Canada, and good friends are hard to find.... So I miss that for them.  Alhamdulilah we have been doing some pretty neat things with hsing, and I feel I have more time to focus on teaching them things, but I cannot replace their friends.  InshaAllah soon they will meet some more kids their age... I hope.  And alhamdulillah for Skype which they have used a couple of times to speak to their close friends and family.

-Being apart of homeschooling groups and playgroups.

-Living in the suburbs.  I've never lived in a city before.  I've lived in an apartment building, but I think it had 8 floors? Our current one has more than 35.  We are living slightly on the outskirts of KL but the traffic, pollution, noises and smells are totally the city life type, which I am not used to.....

-Seeing people we recognize.  We knew so many people back home...it was was rare for us to go out and not bump into someone we knew... so its strange only having a handful of friends.

-Being in the same time zone as family and friends.  It took a good two weeks to recover from jetlag.  But sometimes I feel as part of me is still jetlagged.  Like at night time here, I know its morning time in Canada so I become all awake and fresh and ready to talk with people, even tho I should actually be getting ready for bed.

-Going outside without feeling like Im drowning in my own sweat.  Ya alhamdulilah its nice to have hot weather all the time... but sometimes, well a lot of times, its just too hot.

Well, thats all I can think of for now.
Summaiya is awake from her nap so inshaAllah I will continue with part two perhaps tomorrow.
Stay tuned for what I love about Malaysia!

Just one of those days....

I've spent the majority of the day hiding from my kids. I've made them play in the basement, let them watch two DVDs and to put it bluntly, anything to just stay out of my hair! It's not their fault, they're actually being really good... But I'm just having one of those days.. It's rainy outside, there is a mountain of laundry that needs to be puy away, all three bathrooms need to be cleaned, house needs vacuuming but im totally not motivated to do anything. I'm just in the mood to sit on my phone going through Pinterest, lay down and cuddle with my baby girl.
I've been asked how I do it all. And I'd like to make it clear that I don't. I do have bad days. There are times when we don't do anything and my house is upside down. I sometimes fantasize what life would be like if I sent my kids to school.
But in the end.... Despite the 'bad' days.. It's all worth it.
This is what the boys have been up to while I've been hiding from them... The have a cricket bats as swords, ski masks as helmets, Carpenter gloves and socks on their hands, and slippers on their feet. They're playing Knights and i have to admit they're kinda cute.

Survival

I used to love mornings.  I used to love waking up early and getting a start to the day.
However, it just recently occurred to me that Im not as chirpy in the morning as I used to be.
I kept forcing myself to wake up early despite being cranky, and would notice our whole day would be thrown off  due to a crabby start.  I would sit down with the boys for breakfast and with my eyes barely open Id be put in the spotlight to answer life's greatest questions from a five year old (why is a fork called a fork? do asteroids hit planets? what eats a shark? when? why? how?....ahhh!).

I have come to accept I am no longer the morning person I used to be.  And I have also discovered the greatness of coffee.... yes I know it sounds funny but in all seriousness, Im really finding it gives me that extra boost that I need [ Yes I know exercise would probably help but were in survival mode at the moment, inshaallah well get there soon too].

I love waking up to Summaiya cooing, Ibby cuddling beside me and Yusuf kissing my forehead.  But after the first few moments of cuteness, I need some time for my brain to wake up. I have told myself to no longer feel guilty if my husband is around and willing to watch the kids so I can get an extra half hour of shut eye.  And I wont feel bad anymore to send the kids down to the basement to play while I enjoy my morning tea or coffee in silence while I check my email (or blog).

When I used to picture how homeschooling would work in our home I would think of us all waking up at the crack of dawn and enjoying each others company etc etc... and though that may happen sometimes, it doesn't need to happen all the time.  I think alhamdulilah we do alot together.  Our homeschooling may not be perfect, but were learning to tweak it along the way to make it perfect for us.  Whenever people ask me about homeschooling, I stress that I believe homeschooling mostly has to do with a change in lifestyle and focus on relationships, academics are secondary.

My kids are awesome and I love spending time with them.  But I need to start the day off right and stop feeling guilty for doing what I need to do to make my day a lil better.

Maybe when Summaiya starts sleeping through the night Ill become more of a morning person again.  But if not, that will be okay too.

Mess

5 mins...

Funny

Nesting...

...has begun.  The clutter in my house is creating clutter in my brain but my body cannot keep up = (

Rules for Mothers with Sons

MashaAllah a really well written article.
When I was pregnant with Yusuf I wanted a girl SO badly! But Allah swt knew what was best for me and I couldnt have ever imagined how much I'd love being a Momma to boys!  People keep saying hopefully baby #3 will be a girl, but honestly, in the end, Allah knows whats best and I'd be just as happy with another boy <3
Click here.

100 Ways to be Kind to your Child

[Taken from : http://creativewithkids.com/ ]

Tell to your child:

1. I love you.
2. love you no matter what.
3. I love you even when you are angry at me.
4. I love you even when I am angry with you.
5. I love you when you are far way.  My love for you can reach you wherever you are.
6. If I could pick any 4 year old (5 year old, 6 year old…) in the whole wide world, I’d pick you.
7. I love you to the moon and then around the stars and back again.
8. Thank you.
9. I enjoyed playing with you today.
10. My favorite part of the day was when I was with you and we were _______.

Tell them:
11. The story of their birth or adoption.
12. About how you cuddled them when they were a baby.
13. The story of how you chose their name.
14. A story about yourself when you were their age.
15. A story about how their grandparents met.
16. What your favorite color is.
17. That sometimes you struggle too.
18. That when you’re holding hands and you give three squeezes, it’s a secret code that means, “I love you”.
19. What the plan is.
20. What you’re doing right now.

Play:
21. Freeze Tag
22. Uno
23. Crazy 8s
24. Gin Rummy
25. Memory
26. Go Fish
27. I Spy- especially when you’re tired of driving and feel snappish
28. Catch

Pretend:
29. To catch their kiss and put it on your cheek.
30. That their tickle tank is empty and you have to fill it.
31. That their high five is so powerful it nearly knocks you over.
32. That you are super ticklish.
33. That you are explorers in the amazing new world of your backyard.
34. That it’s party day!  Decorate for no reason!

Try:
35. To get enough sleep.
36. To drink enough water.
37. To eat decent food.
38. Wearing earrings, or whatever makes you feel pretty.
39. Calling a friend the next time you feel like you are about to lose it with the kids.
40. Giving a gentle touch to show approval, rather than saying something.
41. Dancing in the kitchen.
42. To get your kids to bop to the music with you in the car.
43. Showing your kids that you can do a somersault or handstand or a cartwheel.
44. Keeping that sigh to yourself.  Just jump in and help clean up cheerfully.
45. Using a kind voice, even if you have to fake it.

Read:
46. A book of silly poems.
47. A book and then act it out. (Like “I’m going on a Bear Hunt”)
48. Your favorite childhood book to them.
49. When the afternoon is starting to go astray.
50. Outside under a tree.
51. In the library kids corner.
52. The comic book they love that you’re not so hot on.
53. About age appropriate behavior so you can keep your expectations realistic.

Listen:
54. To your child in the car.
55. To that Lego description, and think how important it is to your child.
56. For that question that indicates your child really needs your input.
57. One second longer than you think you have patience for.
58. For the feelings behind your child’s words.

Ask:
59. Why do you think that happens?
60. What do you think would happen if______?
61. How shall we find out?
62. What are you thinking about?
63. What was your favorite part of the day?
64. What do you think this tastes like?

Show:
65. Your child how to do something instead of banning them from it.
66. How to whistle with a blade of grass.
67. How to shuffle cards- make a bridge if you can!
68. How to cut food.
69. How to fold laundry.
70. How to look up information when you don’t know the answer.
71. Affection to your spouse.
72. That taking care of yourself is important.

Take Time:
73. To watch construction sites.
74. To look at the birds.
75. To allow your child to help you dump ingredients in the bowl.
76. To walk places together.
77. To dig in the dirt together.
78. To do a task at your child’s pace.
79. To just sit with you child while they play.

Trust:
80. That your child is capable.
81. That you are the right parent for your child.
82. That you are enough.
83. That you can do what is right for your family.

Delight your child:
84. Clean your child’s room as a surprise.
85. Put chocolate chips in the pancakes.
86. Put a love note in their lunch.
87. Make their snack into a smile face shape.
88. Make sounds effects while you help them do something.
89. Sit on the floor with them to play.

Let Go:
90. Of the guilt.
91. Of how you thought it was going to be.
92. Of your need to be right.

Give:
93. A look with Kind Eyes to your child.
94. A smile when your child walks into the room.
95. A kind touch back when your child touches you.
96. The chance to connect before you correct so that your child can actually hear your words.
97. Your child a chance to work out their frustrations before helping them.
98. A bath when the day feels long.
99. A hug.
100. You get to choose the next one!  What is your favorite way to be kind to your child

Comic Relief of the Day

Reflections

Alhamdulilah I was blessed with the opportunity to attend an amazing seminar this weekend called Chronicles of the Shariah [and double blessed to have an awesome Mom who babysat the boys for the most part of the weekend! = )].  To be honest with you, when I first heard of it I was not interested since the whole topic of madhabs/different schools of thought confuses me and is something which I have never gotten into.  But alhamdulilah Allah swt guided me and I eventually decided I would take the class.  Mashallah it was not as difficult as I expected and my eyes were opened to alot of issue I had initially avoided.  However, I must be honest here again, I am still slightly confused [especially since I missed the last chunk of the class which got into some important topics].  Overall I have walked away from the course not with a deep understanding of the different madhabs, but with a new found love and respect for the ulama [scholars] of our Ummah [nation of Islam]!

As a homeschooling mother, and as time goes by and my kids are starting to get older, whenever I take a course or learn something new I try to think of how I can use this knowledge and benefit my family.  No, I cant exactly sit down with Yusuf tomorrow and share my notes with him about how fiqh has evolved, but I can teach him the names and stories of some of these ulama.  And even then, he may not fully understand or respect this knowledge as much as I can as an adult but at least I can plant the seed.

Not only did I walk away from this class with a new found love and respect for the Ulama, but I also walked away with so much motivation and encouragement to continue homeschooling!  Im not saying I will force my children to become scholars of Islam if they do not want to.  But as their mother I know I want to instill the love for the deen and the ilm in them from a young age.  And quite frankly, I dont think this can be done to its full potential in the modern school system [and Im talking about Islamic schools, I wont even bring up the option of Public Schools!].

I feel that by being homeschooled a child is able to reach such a higher potential, not just academically but also in terms of akhlaaq and maturity.  By having my kids at home, I have the freedom to take them to lectures and events whenever I want [if they were in school, I dont think Id keep them at an AlKauthar class till 9pm on a school night].

Take Jummuah for example.  I am amazed at how much Yusuf has learned at the age of four, simply by attending regular Jummah Khutbahs for the most part of his short life.  He has almost completely memorized the opening of a khutbah (which I cant even say).  If he was in school, he'd only be attending Jummah on long weekends and summer holidays.  MashaAllah just from sitting in the mesjid close to the Imam, observing his tones and gestures, Yusuf has developed a love for doing his own khutbahs at home.  He will get up on our sofa and start of with the ayaat and hadith which the imaam usually says and then goes into his own khutbah.  Okay, maybe he wont make complete sense in what hes saying but Im amazed to watch the passion that comes out of him... and I know the way hes speaking, his hand gestures and tone, is not from me, rather from the imams which he has observed.

Today at the AlKauthar class, the instructor, Sh Musleh Khan began to do an imitation Sheikh Mukhtar AsShinqiti and I told Yusuf that the sheikh was imitating another sheikh just like he does at home. His eyes just lit up and he was completely mesmerized.

Mashallah we are blessed in our family that my husband works with an Islamic organization and often gets to interact with influential people.  And we have taken advantage of this opportunity to allow Yusuf to interact with such people (and inshaAllah as Ibraheem gets older, him as well).  One time, Sheikh Bilal Ismaeel was visiting from South Africa and my husband had to pick him up from the airport, take him to the hotel etc and alhamdulilah he took Yusuf along with him.  For months after Yusuf would speak so highly of Sh Bilaal and remember little things about him.  The main thing he loved and learned from him was the saying "HayakAllah."  To this day ( over two years later!)  Yusuf still remembers Sheikh Bilaal, and that phrase.

These are opportunities which I believe, and ask Allah to help shape a child and instill the love of deen.  Yes of course the success of scholars of the past was from Allah swt, but their environment had a huge influence on who they turned out to be.  And if I had Yusuf in school, ya maybe hed have lots of fun playing spiderman and batman with other four year olds, but he would rarely (if ever) have the opportunity to have these experiences that I have mentioned.  [Yes, I still believe kids should be kids and have the chance to play... you can refer back to my previous post and what I said re: socialization inshaAllah.]

This also brings me to the topic of hijrah.  I never used to understand why people were so big on moving to an 'Islamic country.' But as I think more about my children's future, the more I understand why people think this way.  I wont even get into the 'evil' that is in the West because thats not my main reason.  I once told a friend of mine who is very passionate hijrah that I didnt get why she was so big on it.  I told her that you cant find a perfect Muslim country, or even one close to it... that there's so much corruption there as well, so whats the point?!  And she said something that has stuck in my head!  She said that though corruption may be widespread there, and you will even find horrible people there... but that is where you also find the best of the best of this Ummah.  Subhanallah after taking this course this weekend I understand this even more.  Even those figures we look up to here in North America that live amoung us today, they were not all born here, and if they were they went overseas to gain their knowledge.  And though the knowledge could technically be made available here through books and computers... its the akhlaaq that students must learn first.  I believe its only when you are sitting in the presence of a great scholar and have this exposure that you can fully develop true love and respect of the deen and ilm.  And we dont have that here.

No, this doesn't mean Im ready to pack my bags and move to a muslim country tomorrow, or even within a few years.  But I now believe that a muslim cannot reach their full potential as a student of knowledge by remaining permanently in these lands.  At the least I think it is essential to travel (even if temporarily) to gain true ilm... and I pray that Allah swt grants us the means to do this.

May Allah SWT help us to do not only what is right for our children, but that which is best for them!  May He give us the strength and patience and wisdom that we need to raise leaders of our Ummah. May He help us to  have and achieve high goals in life and to accomplish that which will please Him and also increase our sources of sadaatul jaariyah, Ameen.

Id like to share this video which I feel is a perfect ending to my weekend of being encouraged and motivated... please watch.

why WE homeschool

I know its been really slow around here with my posts! Inshaallah I plan on being more regular.  The main reason why I had the long break in posting was because we had a pretty long break in homeschooling.  In September we put Yusuf in school.  He attended JK at an Islamic school which has a very good reputation for their Islamic and Arabic Curriculum.  We didn't put him in school because we were finished with homeschooling, we made this decision because mashallah we were blessed with the opportunity to perform Hajj last year.  In preparation of leaving Yusuf for three weeks, we figured putting him in school would not only help him cope with being separated from us, but also keep him busy while we were gone.  During this time Ibraheem and I also were going to school.  Ibraheem went to the daycare and I attended Taleemul Quran classes.  The three of us were going to school Mon - Fri, 8am-4pm everyday for about two months.  I went through alot of mixed emotions during this time (having Ibby cry for me every single day shred my heart to pieces!) and both my husband and I came away from this experience with a lot more insight on how we would like to raise our family.


I strongly considered keeping Yusuf in school for the entire school year.  Alhamdulllah mashallah he did much better adjusting than I expected.  He didn't love school, but he didn't hate it either.  His teacher was awesome and actually a good friend of mine, and even a former homeschooler! [ you can find her blog here]. But while away on hajj we both had alot of time to reflect on our lives and goals in life.  And of course, after pleasing Allah, doing whats best for our family is at the top of the list!  And the day we arrived home was the day we took Yusuf out of school. 


After returning from hajj, keeping Ibby in the preschool long term was not even an option.  Having Yusuf stay was something we considered, but after talking about it with my husband we decided it was best to return to homeschooling.  We also sat down with Yusuf and asked him what he thought.  He had a huge smile on his face when we gave him the option of staying home again.  


Before I was even pregnant with Yusuf, I was interested in homeschooling and when I brought the idea up with my husband back then he thought I was crazy!  After having Yusuf and as I got more involved in the homeschooling community my husband became more open minded.  But it wasn't until we put Yusuf in school that my husband became fully supportive of homeschooling and agreed that it was best for us!


As I said, we learned a lot in those two months where we were all attending school.  It was a difficult period for me but Im glad we went through it because my eyes were really opened and I appreciate our homeschooling lifestyle much more now.


Here are a few of my thoughts regarding our choice to homeschool:


*When I think back to the days where we were all going to school, the main thing I remember is chaos! I always felt so rushed!  I didn't feel like I was enjoying my kids and I felt like we were all in our own world... my husband with work, Yusuf with Jk... Ibby with preschool and me with my class.  By the time we all got home at the end of the day we didn't have the time or energy to enjoy one another.  Weekdays were all about school: rushing to get ready in the morning, going to school, coming home tired, rushing dinner n bed n then doing it all over again the next morning.  Yes, homeschooling can be crazy busy at times, but I feel that it gives us the opportunity to enjoy each other much more than we did while in school.


*I feel that we are much more involved in our children's lives.  When Yusuf was going to school, wed have the typical conversation...wed ask him, "How was your day?" Hed reply "Fine." Wed ask "What did you learn?"  Hed say, "Nothing."  I know this is normal and I dont believe he learned nothing... but its common for kids to forget or just not want to talk much once they get home.  With homeschooling, were constantly learning together and I think its such an amazing opportunity to watch our kids grow and share so many memorable experiences with them.  Yes, Im being selfish...I want to be the one who watches them struggle for months with sounding out words and then they finally reach the point where they can read fluently! I want to be the one to see my child's eyes light up when they finally figure out the answer to the math question they've been trying to figure out!  Alhamdulillah this is one of the biggest blessings of homeschooling and a priceless feeling!


*Mashallah we are blessed to have two beautiful boys who are fairly close in age and have come to a point in their relationship where they can communicate and play together.  I LOVE seeing them together.  Yusuf is mashallah so patient with Ibby slows down just to take time to explain or teach something to his brother.  And Ibby looks up to Yusuf like no one else.  They  learn so much from each other and I think sibling relationships do not have the chance to flourish with the school routine.  Ibby would literally cry out Yusuf's name when Id leave him in his class.  They missed each other alot.  But by the time we all got home from school they were both so cranky and they'd just take it out on each other and rarely have the chance to enjoy each other anymore.  With homeschooling they are able to continue to build their relationship and learn from each other.  The Prophet Muhammad SAW said we must show respect to those who are older than us and show mercy to those who are younger than us.  And I truly believe homeschooling provides much more opportunities to develop this as most settings are mixed in ages.


*This is more of a personal reflection, but I felt as if someone else was doing my job.  I felt as if I was falling short on my responsibilities as a mother.  This doesnt mean I judge or look down on those who choose to put their kids in school.  Like I said, this is personal.  And because of my strong feelings towards homeschooling and it being best for our family, it made me feel guilty to have them in school.  Especially Ibraheem!  I truly believe that a child under four years old should not be left in a school setting unless the circumstances are desperate.  I believe our society puts way too much pressure on mothers to have their kids in a structured school environment as soon as possible.  Daycares now accept such young ages and I personally believe this is a contributing fact to why our society is failing.  There is so much emphasis on being independent, from such a young age!  WHY does a two year old have to be independent of his mother?! I think this is a very modern idea and also a corrupt one.  No wonder Old Age homes are so common now... from only a few months old, parents are pushing their children out of the home.. of course the children are going to turn around and push their parents out of the house once they become slightly dependent on their grown children.  


Again,  I have to make it clear that I do believe in certain situations, it is better for a child to be in daycare and some people do not have the choice.  But I also believe that there is so much unnecessary pressure on mothers to put their babies in daycares for no other reason but to make them 'independent.'  


I have had numerous people come up to me and ask me why I dont go to work and put my kids in daycare (starting when they were only six months old!).  I dont understand the logic behind me going to work (especially as an ECE where Id be watching other peoples kids when I could just be with own?!) and then have a big chunk of my salary go towards my kids daycare fees?  I believe the majority of kids should be at home at least until 4 years old with their mother unless there are dire circumstances.  Yes, we live in a basement apartment and share an old van... I could go get a job so we could enjoy the luxury of having a double salary income... but I rather sacrifice that and stay home with my kids.


Okay... onto the next point = )


*The number one issue that always comes up with people when they find out we homeschool is.....SOCIALIZATION?!?!?!?  For those of you who have met my kids, you know that mashallah they do not lack on this skill!  But for those of you who haven't met my kids, or are still under the impression that homeschooling stumps a child's ability to socialize, heres what I think.... I believe weve been programmed to think that socialization equals being put in a room with 29 other kids with the same calendar age.  And I question this definition.  Why does my child need to be with only four year olds for 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week, 10 months a year?  Seriously, what benefit comes out of it?  Okay, yes, they make friends.  But as an adult, how many of your friends are born in the same year as you?  At work, how many of your coworkers who you have to learn to interact with are your exact age?  In reality, we have to learn to deal with people of all ages and homeschooling gives more of an opportunity to develop this skill.  


The school system often gives a child the mentality that anyone in a younger grade is a baby and not worthy of their time, and anyone in a grade older is not gonna have time for you because to them, youre a baby.  I even saw it with Yusuf when he went to school.  He thought his brother was a baby all of a sudden and he was too cool to play with him.  I really dislike this mentality and alhamdulilah I believe homschooling minimizes this.  


Yes I will still make an effort for my kids to interact with kids their age and plan playdates and such.  But I dont believe that they need to be with kids their exact same age for the majority of the time in order for them to be socially functional.  And maybe, in the long run my kids will turn out to be shy (doesnt look like it right now though!)  and Im okay with that and I wont blame it on homeschooling... because we all know many kids who attend regular school turn out to be shy too!  


Alhamdulilah my kids have exposure to kids who are older then they are and they have the courage to go up to them and talk to them.  And chances are if that kid is homeschooled he will also take the time out to show compassion and maybe even teach my kids something.  And on the other hand my kids also get exposure to kids that are younger than they are which gives them the opportunity to practice being kind and gentle to them.


*I personally believe two things are essential for successful homeschooling : love for your children (which we ALL have) and a support system, whether it be your husband, family or friends.  Its so important as a homeschooling mother to be able to talk about your feelings, your struggles and have someone listen and understand.  Sometimes you can feel really alone being with your kids all day every day ... but being able to send an email or call up someone to talk to makes a huge difference and can really be a sanity saver!


I dont believe homeschooling is for everyone.  But I do believe many mothers who have an interest in homeschooling shut themselves down too quickly by saying they dont have the qualifications or patience or talent or time!  There's no harm in trying!  And I think its much better for a family to at least try homeschooling (if they have the interest) and then put their kids back in school if its really not working, then to just dismiss their inclination by blaming it on lack of qualifications, patience, talent or time.


Ive had many people come up to me and praise me to my face because of my choice to homeschool, and they continue on by putting themselves down saying they'd never be able to because they dont have the patience or skill.  What my blog shows of me is not the full truth... I welcome you to ask my husband and kids what our life is really like!  We have crazy days, a far from spotless home and I have tons of not-so-pretty moments! Im not a super mom!  Im a regular person with many flaws just like anyone else out there.  Im just blessed to have an amazing husband and kids,  and also to be part of a few mailing lists, homeschooling and playgroups which offer a huge support for me... without these two, I would not have made it this far.  I know well continue to have bad days and I know Ill keep making mistakes as I learn along the way... but I pray that in the end, when Iook back at our homeschooling journey, Ill be content that I tried my best and I beg Allah swt to make the result (our grown children) something that we're proud of!  Ameen!


In the end, everyone has to do whats best for their family!  And that's what we feel we are doing.  Homeschooling is not easy.  Its not about teaching your kids 5 days a week for a set amount of hours.  Its an entire life style with lots of struggles... bad days... exhaustion and frustration...but it also has countless priceless moments which make every struggle worth it!

1-2-3 Magic

I just bought this book two days ago and Im really enjoying it.  I highly recommend it!  Ive read another book by the same other and I found it really beneficial.  I like this book because its short, easy to read and very practical.
Check it out at a bookstore or library and see what you think = )

Not Ready.

Im not ready for Yusuf to go to school
Im not ready to stop homeschooling
Im not ready to stop our playgroups and fieldtrips
Im not ready to sit in one classroom, and have Yusuf and Ibby in two other separate classrooms
Im not ready to have a rigid schedule
Im not ready to give up our time together
Im not ready for my baby to be in the care of someone other than me for the majority of the week
(even though his teacher happens to be a dear friend whom I love and trust)
Im not ready to wave good bye next Monday............


For those of you who dont know, Yusuf is enrolled in JK starting next Monday.  Its a great school, and Im happy with the choice.  But now reality is starting to hit me and I dont like it. 

Boys!

If you told me five years ago that Id be a mom to two boys, two years apart, I would have probably been scared. When I was pregnant with Yusuf I wanted a girl. But Allah blessed me with a son, and two years later, another one! Life with two boys is crazy.. stinky.. messy.. loud.. but amazing. Im still a girly girl at heart. I dont think Ill ever love basketball, but at least now I can name more than two NBA players off the top of my head. I still am not totally familiar with all the terminology, but Im slowly getting there. As someone who never enjoyed sports, I think Ive come a long way.. I did, after all, google how exactly the lines are drawn on a basketball court and tried to replicate a kid-sized version on our carpet with masking tape.

Before having Yusuf, Id always gravitate towards the pink and purple section of the clothing stores, oo-ing and aww-ing over the frills and flowers. But now, my eyes go straight to the blues and greens and I get excited to see a shirt with a ball or bike on it.

I doubt Ill ever fully get used to the humor of bathroom words or bodily functions. But at least I dont cringe as much as I used to. [ However when Ibby ate his poop, yes, you read that right, ate his poop, I did almost barf!]

I grew up with an uncle not too much older than me and was like a big brother. Everyone knows big brothers must teach the art of wrestling, so thanks to him, I did have some prior experience in this field. I was a little surprised though when I learned just how instinctive wrestling is for boys! Having two boys so close in age, I knew to expect my living to transform into a wresling ring now and then. But... nothing could prepare me for the shock of watching my little preemie second-born muster up the courage to fully through him self at and tackle his brother who almost doubles him in height and weight! He throws punches probably better than me and sometimes I'm more worried for my eldest than I am for my baby!

I wanted a daughter so I could braid her hair and put on cute dresses. But I having just as much fun with hair gel, kufis and thobes.

Tea Parties and playing with dolls would have been fun... but I would have never thought how exciting it could be to construct a complex train track complete with bridges and loops!

Sitting to colour, doodle, draw and do crafts was also part of my little girl dream, but putting blobs of paint on a paper and driving toy cars through it is totally cool too!

We can go anywhere, Walmart, a restaurant, the park or a lecture... and only two simple things are required to keep them happy: a car and a ball.

I wanted a daughter so we could cuddle n chat n giggle. Little did I know just how loving and loyal sons can be to their Mommas. Yusuf can no doubt carry a conversation longer than I can. And of course little girl giggles are adorable, but so are boy giggles once you find their ticklish tickle spot! [ I could make them laugh with bathroom talk and fart noises, but Im not there... yet].

I know my future will be filled of countless google searches and library books about topics I would have never paid attention to. Im still working on learning the names of all those construction machines. Planes, trains and automobiles are not exactly my specialty, but I'm excited to learn about them along with my boys.

Not only do my boys have a huge appetite to learn, they have a huge appetite for food! At meal times, I feel like I have to prepare food for three men, mashaAllah! Lots of eating of course leads to lots of poop, but also, the inevitable of them growing... growing out of their clothes faster than I can keep their closets organized.. growing until one day Im sure they'll be towering over me! Until then, I'm gonna chase them, grab them n pick them up to squeeze, kiss and hug them as much as I possibly can!

When Yusuf begs me to allow him to lead me in prayer and Ibby excitedly grabs a prayer mat so he can copy... or when Yusuf stands on our sofa and starts giving lectures and Ibby climbs up right there beside him imitating his voice and hand gestures... my heart skips a beat to think what the future holds for them.

May Allah SWT always keep them passionate towards Islam... increase them in beneficial knowledge and benefit them with the knowledge they gain...May He grant them pious wives and and children who make them as happy as they've made us... May He grant them health, happiness and success in this life and the life to come... May He keep them on the straight path, enable them to do that which pleases their Lord, and always shower His Mercy and Light onto them....May He grant them kindness, wisdom and compassion to always be good sons and make us, their parents, a means of Jannah for them, Ameen.