Yes! This is me!

One thing I hate about homeschooling is people praising me about how patient I am... how brave I am...and then they go on to bash themselves saying they'd never be able to homeschool because they're not as organized or whatever blah blah blah blah.

Disclaimer - I know homeschooling isn't for everyone but it really pains me to see people saying they wish they home schooled but just cant, because they're not [insert quality here] enough.

I've said it before and I'll say this again, I'm far from perfect and you're than welcome to ask my kids and hubby how flawed I really am.  I try telling parents who ask me how I do it, but I dont think it always comes out right.  But this article nails it on the head.  This is me. I am highly sensitive and it wasnt until I read this that I realized that.

The key to me surviving homeschooling has been I've been blessed enough to find ways to cope with being highly sensitive.  I've been blessed with awesome support as well.  And one of the biggest blessings has been learning more about myself.  Learning when to let go.  When to not care.  When to ask for a break, or when to take a break from homeschooling.

There are days when we do nothing.  Like absolutely nothing.  Actually there are weeks when we do nothing.  There are days when my house is such a disaster that you'd seriously not want to come in.  There are days when my kids have eaten cold leftover french fries, or chips and chocolate for breakfast.  Yes, breakfast.  There are days I sit and daydream about what it would be like to send my kids to school.  And there are days where Im in tears by bedtime thinking I can't do this anymore.

The more I homeschool, the more I learn to laugh at myself.  To not care about the temporary imbalance in my kids dietary intake or the fact the only educational activity has been a youtube video.

I've come to the realization its okay to lock myself in the bathroom so I can get a minute to myself.
Or to stick my kids infront of the TV so I can drink my tea in peace.

I've learned this whole unschooling business doesn't work as well for my family as I once thought it would and that the white board where I write our daily to do list helps us to stay focused and productive and happy.

Homeschooling is a lot about teaching kids.  But sometimes I feel its even more about my own learning.  About myself and life in general.

I hope and pray that despite our bad days, we come out of this journey successful, and despite our countless mistakes, I pray Allah accept it from us and is pleased with us, Ameen.


And here is the article you must read....click here.

Back....again.

I've lost count of how many times I've left and then returned to blogging.  I'm not trying to play hard to get or anything, its just, life happens. = )
But this time I left for a different reason.  My family and I were victims of a hacking and black mailing incident.  It was scary.  Sad.  Sick.  And part of me wanted to run away forever from social media and all, but, I came back because I feel that I benefit greatly from online homeschooling sources.  Like everything in life, there is good and bad and we just have to try our best to protect ourselves, but not let the evil prevail.

I would like to take this opportunity to urge you all to be careful with any unknown followers/friends/contacts.  Because of my blog, and the nature of my husbands work, we were both used to 'fans' who we didn't know personally.  And one of these people happened to be on my husbands Skype, and through that, was able to do horrible things.  I know its tough to filter if you have many unknown Facebook followers, but please, please, please, delete anyone on your Skype who you do not completely trust!  Also, cover up your laptop and cellphone cameras when they are not in use.

Anyways, moving on...I feel like I can honestly say I would not be surviving homeschooling if it weren't for other peoples blog, I feel like I owe it to the world to give back the little knowledge Ive gained long the way.

Hope you enjoy!  Happy Homeschooling!

Reminder

Back to (Home)School

September always makes me think.

It makes me think about the what ifs, it makes me think about the whys and it makes me think about what homeschooling means to me as a mother, and us as a family.
I remember last year, I was really down, as other Moms giggled with glee as they waved their children off to school.  I craved a distance between my kids and I....a moment where I could go to the washroom without being followed.  I wanted a few hours to myself everyday... just for the house to be quite and clean and kid free for a bit!  But alhamdulillah I had a very close friend, and an awesome community around me to pull me out of my slump and I remembered all the reasons why I choose to homeschool and told myself everything will be ok.  And alhamdulillah it was.

This year, being thousands of miles away from that very close friend and amazing homeschooling community, Id think Id be super depressed.  Ill admit I've had my fair share of tears and heartache, but I am surprised to say, I think this is one of the most refreshing and energizing September / back to (home)school season I've had. There were moments I have considered putting the boys in school here due to the guilt of taking them away from their Canadian friends, and frustration of not finding any 'replacements.'  But alhamdulillah through the power of dua and help of Allah SWT I am hanging on, rediscovering myself, and enjoying my family in a way I never have before. I feel I was always 'good' at keeping the kids busy, but I always knew deep down inside that I was not good at connecting with them as I wanted to.  Indeed with difficulty there is ease, as Allah has promised. And with the difficulty of moving, Allah has truly sent me ease in ways that I would have never expected.

Alhamdulillah, there is a community centre which is attached to our building and the boys have begun soccer classes there as of this week.  There are also two families who have begun homeschooling in our area who both have sons Yusuf's age.  And perhaps the biggest bonus of them all, Naani (my mom) is inshaAllah arriving in two weeks for a whole three months! We are very excited!  MashaAllah were so happy the cousins came to visit earlier in the summer, but their visit was much shorter therefore we were rushed and obviously since the kids had other kids to play with, homeschooling was put aside.  InshaAllah with Naani around I have confidence well be able to stay on track and be productive.  But I do know well slow down here n there to have some pretty exciting adventures with her!

Im not very strict with the whole Sept- June school routine.  We kind of just go with the flow.  But like I said, September always makes me think.  And recently I have been doing some self evaluation and come to realize I need to be a little more organized than I think I did.  In Canada it was very easy for me to wing it so to say. We were out a lot and quite a few subjects were outsourced.  The kids were also younger, and, less in number.  Summaiya is one now mashallah and that goes without saying, she adds a little more to Momma's workload. I still cringe at the idea of having a super rigid schedule, but I'm finding more routine helps me and the kids stay more productive... and happier.

I've mentioned workboxes before and I cant say how much they help me! I like structure and the feeling of accomplishment to a degree, but I have to be balanced.  I need flexibility in my routine if I've had a rough night with the baby, or if we were out the night before and the house is messy, or if I just need a mental break etc etc.  So we do our workboxes pretty much every day, but we take them out when we've eaten a good breakfast, tidied and freshened up, maybe played a game or two, or read some books or spoken to family on Skype.  And I find this way, it keeps the idea of workboxes exciting for the kids.  They enjoy doing them, I enjoy preparing them... so alhamdulilah its a win/win.

I used to prep the work boxes the night before and think of activities on the spot.  However, with a teething baby, and a bigger house to take care of, I find the hours of the night go by way too quickly.  So I've begun roughly planning the week on the weekend before, I don't make the workboxes for the entire week, I just jot down ideas for each day.  I'm trying to have a focus subject each day and prepare the activities based on that subject.  For example, Mondays is math so most of the math stuff gets done on Monday but I make it fun and try to have a variety of things.  This week we played connect four, and I taught Yusuf how to play Solitaire.  We still cover different subjects or may repeat some things on a different day on the same week, but this just gives me a better idea of how to plan.

Ive said it before and Ill say it again.... inshaAllah I plan on blogging more regularly.
Now that Ramadan is over, and were pretty much settled into our new home and routine, inshaAllah it will be easier for me to do so.
Ive received some emails recently from 'secret' followers and honestly it means a lot to me that I have encouraged or inspired people to homeschool or continue homeschooling, or helped spark some ideas.  I pray Allah swt gives me sincerity and that this blog serves as a beneficial reminder.

Please keep us in your duas.
And as always, feel free to comment, Id love to hear from you.

Orphanage Visit

It has always been a dream of mine to visit and help out in an orphanage.  Alhamdulilah we had an opportunity to visit one here in Malaysia at the beginning of Ramadan.  Mashallah it was a very well kept and well funded facility.  It was so good to see the orphans being well taken care of. 

The Prophet Muhammad SAW said that the one who takes care of an orphan will be beside him in Jannah.  I pray we are given many more opportunities to visit different orphanages inshaAllah.

Baba and his baby girl outside the orphanage.  Subhanallah what a blessing having your parents is. May Allah protect us and our children, and ease the hearts of the orphans who have lost their parents, Ameen.

Meeting the boys.

Yusuf and Ibby were a bit shy, and the fact that the kids didn't speak much English created a bit of a barrier.

Yusuf watching the boys

Getting a tour of the place.

This kinda broke my heart.  To see these names of children without parents .....

Praying maghrib

Distributing candies we brought

Making sure everyone got

A letter.

My Dear Yusuf, Ibraheem, and Summaiya...

This letter is months over due, but I can assure you that I have a good reason for being delayed.  In six months we have moved four times, and just shortly after our family grew from four people to five.  Shortly after Summaiya entered our lives, we moved to our own place.  Shortly after that, we made a big decision to move to the other side of the world so we moved back in with Ami and Dada.  Less than three months after our decision to move to Malaysia, we were on a plane.  And alhamdulillah less than two weeks after arriving, we found a new apartment and are beginning to settle in.

I have been planning to write each of you your own separate letters but have resorted to combining it into one.  It know it may seem unfair that I can't give you each your own, but inshaAllah one day, when you have kids of your own, you will understand.  Having three kids doesn't mean I have divided my heart or love by any means.  SubhanAllah Allah has given the heart of a parent an amazing capacity to love each child so much.  But unlike love, free time is a rare asset that needs to be divided strategically.

I think I'm almost used to having three kids now.  Perhaps it took me a little longer to adjust since a few other things popped up along the way after having a third newborn.  I couldn't be happier though.  I can't thank Allah enough for blessing us with you three munchkins.  You fill our days and hearts with love and I can't imagine life without you.  I am so in love with the way you treat each other.  Yusuf and Ibby, you have your moments of sibling rivalry here and there but you have an awesome friendship and I pray Allah always keeps you close.  You both are crazy about your baby sister and I pray you always love her to bits and protect her and cherish her.  Summaiya, your eyes light up when you see both your big brothers.  You're so lucky to have them and I pray you always look up to them.  I can almost see a sense of respect in your eyes when you look at Yusuf compared to a sense of playfulness when you look at Ibby.  It will be interesting how your relationships roll out to be with each of them.

Moving to Malaysia was a very difficult decision but here we are, in the land of tropical fruits, monkeys, monsoon rains and heat!  I still can't believe we made the decision to move less than six months ago.  Subhanallah things went so quickly and so smoothly.  I truly believe Allah guided us to do what was right for our family and eased things along the way.  It was a mercy that things moved so quickly because saying goodbye and leaving was definitely painful, and the longer it dragged out, the harder it would have been.  There were many moments (and actually still are) where I felt so guilty for taking you away from the only home you've known, the friends you grew up with, and the extended family who loved you to pieces.  We had lots of get togethers, surprise parties and days of quality time with loved ones before we left.  We still miss them, and are missed by them... its only been two and a half months since we came but it feels much longer.  But alhamdulillah for technology which really makes staying in touch so much easier.

You've received lots of treats and gifts from people who said goodbye to you in Canada and who met you here in Malaysia.  Even we began spoiling you with candies n toys out of guilt. Baba found us a beautiful four bedroom home to move in to.  We have a pool, two parks and a badminton court in our apartment which we go to often.  Eating out is so cheap.  And a cleaning lady comes to help me out once a week.  But this is not why we brought you here.  Yes, life is easier for us here compared to Canada when it comes to certain things... But that was not the purpose of our move.

Baba fell in love with Malaysia over three years ago when he first visited.  Since then he suggested moving but I could not bear the thought of leaving family and friends.  However, we plan and Allah plans and Allah is the Best of Planners.  Despite my resistance my heart eventually softened to the idea. It was actually at a tafseer class of Surah Taha that I knew we had to give moving a try.  The sheikh was speaking about the staff of Musa AS and how Allah had questioned him regarding it.  Musa AS replied that it was his walking stick which was a source of comfort that went everywhere with him.  Allah commanded him to throw it down, and he did. It was only through Musa AS's trust in Allah and sacrifice to let go of something he held onto dearly that he was eventually able to lead his people out of Firawn's oppression.  I'm not expecting to move mountains or defeat a tyrant here in Malaysia but it hit me that perhaps I had to temporarily let go of my comfort for the sake of my children to have an experience that will inshaAllah enrich their lives and shape them into better people.  Its amazing that no matter what you are going through in life, Allah will always speak to you through His Book and I always want you to remember that.  When you are looking for answers, I promise you that if you turn to Allah, He will never let you down.

Even though living here as Expats has its perks, that's not what I want for you.  I wont sit and watch you become spoiled while we live in our secured and sheltered apartment building.  I brought you here so you can see the beauty of Allah's diverse creations.  The mountains and palm trees and beaches are breath taking.  I brought you here so you can see poverty.  I brought you here hoping to instill gratefulness and humbleness into your hearts.  In this country I believe it is very easy to sway towards arrogance..  You don't even have to look past our very front doors to see the poverty.  The security guards in our building work 12 hr shifts, 7 days a week and their wages would only cover a mere portion of our rent.  One could easily stick their noses in the air knowing how much more money they have compared to them and allow pride to take over.  But I also believe that inshaAllah through Allah's guidance, our eyes and hearts can be opened to those who have less than us (materialistically speaking) and we can have the opportunity to give more.

Baba and I always make sure that you speak kindly and thank the security guards whenever we see them.  We have pointed out to you while driving people who are working on the streets in the extreme heat, or the run down homes we pass.  Our interactions with local Malay people have been limited so far but I have already begun to notice that what many people told me was true; Malay people are so kind and humble and have very good manners mashaAllah.  We have been to a homeless cafe once and inshaAllah plan to return once things get a little more settled down. My heart still aches to visit the orphanage and help out (something we'd never be able to do in Canada), but I am still trying to work out a couple obstacles, one being transportation and the other being Summaiya's health.

Since moving here little Summaiya has been quite sick.  Shes been teething, caught measles and is actually currently in the hospital for a severe urinary track infection (alhamdulillah we are being released today though, five days after being admitted).  Today is also the start of Ramadan.  Having a baby in the hospital, beginning Ramadan, and saying goodbye to Chachi, Kaka and your cousins (who came to visit for three weeks) all within a few days has been tough on all of us.  Were missing home a lot but alhamdulillah the arrival of Ramadan is bitter sweet.  Its our first Ramadan away from home, but at the same time it is our first Ramadan in a Muslim country and I am hopeful that many good memories lay ahead for us inshaAllah.

The biggest adjustment for us since moving would have to be the amount of time we spend together, just the four of us.  Alhamdulillah we also see more of Baba but the amount of time you and I spend together has increased drastically.  In Canada we knew so many people.  We attended so many playgroups and classes and field trips.  We were out pretty much every day.  I did very little formal homeschooling with you because just about everything was outsourced.

I could drive technically drive here.  Its not like Saudi where women cant drive.  But its going to take a lot of mental preparation before I can get behind the wheel.  The drivers side is opposite, the rules of the roads aren't always followed, there are fearless motorcycles all over the place and the map of our area reminds me of arteries.  Baba, and even Yusuf keep encouraging me but thats way out of my comfort zone right now... inshaAllah it will take time.  I am also slowly getting in touch with other homeschoolers here and hope to find some friends for us, but again, that takes time.

So needless to say we spend a lot of time at home together.  Alhamdulillah at least we have the pools and parks, but were kind of rediscovering our relationships with each other.  I find Im learning a lot about myself and also have lots of opportunities for self improvement.  But overall Im enjoying the opportunity to have minimum outside distractions and focus on just us for a bit.

Yusuf, you're my eldest.  My first baby.  I know sometimes I expect too much of you, please forgive me as I'm still learning along the way.  You are so much like me in many ways but are also growing into your little person.  You're so eager to learn and I know you will go far in life with the help and guidance from Allah. You are such a kind person and I am so proud of you.

Ibby, you're my baby who made an unexpected early entrance into our lives.  You are so strong and determined.  You are at an age where you are testing your limits and I know I have lost my patience with you more than I should have. Please forgive me as well as Im still trying to figure things out. You can do anything you put your mind and with the permission of Allah I know you will accomplish great things,  I am so proud of you.

Summaiya, you're my little baby, our princess.  You have melted our hearts and shown us a world we never knew existed.  Having a daughter is a special gift and I'm so grateful Allah blessed us with a baby girl so we could experience the sweetness of both sons and a daughter.  I cant wait to watch you grow up inshallah, just slow down a little, please.

I know you guys, especially Yusuf, miss family and friends a lot.  But I hope and pray you meet people here and form lasting and meaningful friendships.

I pray Allah swt continues to teach us, guide us and provide us with countless memories that we will cherish for a lifetime.

Today marks the beginning of Ramadan and I hope this is our best one yet....and that Allah blesses you with many many many more, each one being better than the last.

May Allah always shade you in His Mercy and bless you with the best in dunya and akhirah, Ameen.

I love all three of you more than you'll ever know.

With all my love and duas,
Momma

Back Online Alhamdulilah!

Alhamdulilah, after about three weeks of being offline, Im finally back!
Its been a crazy last few weeks to say the least!  Its actually felt like months, but were slowly pulling our life back together.

The kids are doing well, mashallah.  The journey here was tiring and difficult on them, and us.  The dua of a traveller is highly accepted, and that is such a mercy because travelling can truly be a hardship.  With the combination of beng very emotional, mentally stressed, and physically exhausted  it was only with the remembrance of Allah that our hearts were able to find ease.  Ibby got really sick two days before we left and didn't fully recover until about a week after we arrived.  For the most part Yusuf and Summaiya were good.  They both slept a lot on the plane, but it took a while to get back into a normal sleep routine.  It took us just over a week to find a new home, which we are now settled into and loving alhamdulilah.

Leaving home was hard. And being away is still hard.  But Allah has given me strength that I didn't know existed.  If you were to tell me a year ago that Id have to pick up and leave my family and friends and the only home Id ever know, I would have told you that it was impossible.  But here I am now, on the other side of the world, and alhamdulilah, Im okay.  The kids have been a big motivation for me to stay strong.  I was dreading the airport, and I admit it was HARD, but seeing my kids faces forced me into survival mode and helped me stay strong.

Allah has promised that with difficulty there is ease.  And indeed Allah's Promise is True.  It was less than three months after we made our decision to move that we were on the plane.  The process of getting rid of everything, packing, and saying our goodbyes were tough.  And for the first little while after arriving, dealing with sick babies, recovering from jetlag and feeling homesick were also tough.  But alhamdulilah we have worked our way into more of a routine, the kids are starting to enjoy themselves more and my heart is more at ease.

I dont know what Id do without the opportunity to keep in touch with family and friends via whatsapp, skype and facebook.  Alhamdulilah that has helped a lot.

Anyways, I missed my blog and inshaAllah plan to update regularly now, inshaAllah.
Please remember us in your duas.

About to board our plane at  Pearson Airport

Belongings

As I pack up to move our family across the ocean, I am realizing how much stuff we have collected and how much we hold onto material things. If we had to take to chose one item, or even one suitcase, it would be such a challenge. We need to ask what we hold onto and why? Is it really worth it? Holding onto creations distracts us from relying on the Creator. Everything on earth will perish, except for the Face of Allah.
May Allah always guide us and keep us focused on what really matters in life, Ameen

Click here.

Syria cont'd

Yesterday Baba went to the dollar store to get money rolls for all the money that Yusuf has collected.  This morning after breakfast the four of us (Ibby too!) sat down, sorted, counted and rolled all the change.  [We could have just gone to the grocery store and put it all in those machines that do it for you, but this way there was more involvement and learning :) ! ] .  MashaAllah the total so far is $583.  This has all been due to Yusuf's effort.  I must say I am inspired and proud of the courage he has... its not easy going around asking people for money but his determination to help his brothers and sisters in Syria has given him the motivation to do so!
May Allah SWT always guide him and keep his heart soft towards helping his brothers and sisters around the world and continue to make him an inspiration for us, Ameen! <3

Reflections

Alhamdulilah I was blessed with the opportunity to attend an amazing seminar this weekend called Chronicles of the Shariah [and double blessed to have an awesome Mom who babysat the boys for the most part of the weekend! = )].  To be honest with you, when I first heard of it I was not interested since the whole topic of madhabs/different schools of thought confuses me and is something which I have never gotten into.  But alhamdulilah Allah swt guided me and I eventually decided I would take the class.  Mashallah it was not as difficult as I expected and my eyes were opened to alot of issue I had initially avoided.  However, I must be honest here again, I am still slightly confused [especially since I missed the last chunk of the class which got into some important topics].  Overall I have walked away from the course not with a deep understanding of the different madhabs, but with a new found love and respect for the ulama [scholars] of our Ummah [nation of Islam]!

As a homeschooling mother, and as time goes by and my kids are starting to get older, whenever I take a course or learn something new I try to think of how I can use this knowledge and benefit my family.  No, I cant exactly sit down with Yusuf tomorrow and share my notes with him about how fiqh has evolved, but I can teach him the names and stories of some of these ulama.  And even then, he may not fully understand or respect this knowledge as much as I can as an adult but at least I can plant the seed.

Not only did I walk away from this class with a new found love and respect for the Ulama, but I also walked away with so much motivation and encouragement to continue homeschooling!  Im not saying I will force my children to become scholars of Islam if they do not want to.  But as their mother I know I want to instill the love for the deen and the ilm in them from a young age.  And quite frankly, I dont think this can be done to its full potential in the modern school system [and Im talking about Islamic schools, I wont even bring up the option of Public Schools!].

I feel that by being homeschooled a child is able to reach such a higher potential, not just academically but also in terms of akhlaaq and maturity.  By having my kids at home, I have the freedom to take them to lectures and events whenever I want [if they were in school, I dont think Id keep them at an AlKauthar class till 9pm on a school night].

Take Jummuah for example.  I am amazed at how much Yusuf has learned at the age of four, simply by attending regular Jummah Khutbahs for the most part of his short life.  He has almost completely memorized the opening of a khutbah (which I cant even say).  If he was in school, he'd only be attending Jummah on long weekends and summer holidays.  MashaAllah just from sitting in the mesjid close to the Imam, observing his tones and gestures, Yusuf has developed a love for doing his own khutbahs at home.  He will get up on our sofa and start of with the ayaat and hadith which the imaam usually says and then goes into his own khutbah.  Okay, maybe he wont make complete sense in what hes saying but Im amazed to watch the passion that comes out of him... and I know the way hes speaking, his hand gestures and tone, is not from me, rather from the imams which he has observed.

Today at the AlKauthar class, the instructor, Sh Musleh Khan began to do an imitation Sheikh Mukhtar AsShinqiti and I told Yusuf that the sheikh was imitating another sheikh just like he does at home. His eyes just lit up and he was completely mesmerized.

Mashallah we are blessed in our family that my husband works with an Islamic organization and often gets to interact with influential people.  And we have taken advantage of this opportunity to allow Yusuf to interact with such people (and inshaAllah as Ibraheem gets older, him as well).  One time, Sheikh Bilal Ismaeel was visiting from South Africa and my husband had to pick him up from the airport, take him to the hotel etc and alhamdulilah he took Yusuf along with him.  For months after Yusuf would speak so highly of Sh Bilaal and remember little things about him.  The main thing he loved and learned from him was the saying "HayakAllah."  To this day ( over two years later!)  Yusuf still remembers Sheikh Bilaal, and that phrase.

These are opportunities which I believe, and ask Allah to help shape a child and instill the love of deen.  Yes of course the success of scholars of the past was from Allah swt, but their environment had a huge influence on who they turned out to be.  And if I had Yusuf in school, ya maybe hed have lots of fun playing spiderman and batman with other four year olds, but he would rarely (if ever) have the opportunity to have these experiences that I have mentioned.  [Yes, I still believe kids should be kids and have the chance to play... you can refer back to my previous post and what I said re: socialization inshaAllah.]

This also brings me to the topic of hijrah.  I never used to understand why people were so big on moving to an 'Islamic country.' But as I think more about my children's future, the more I understand why people think this way.  I wont even get into the 'evil' that is in the West because thats not my main reason.  I once told a friend of mine who is very passionate hijrah that I didnt get why she was so big on it.  I told her that you cant find a perfect Muslim country, or even one close to it... that there's so much corruption there as well, so whats the point?!  And she said something that has stuck in my head!  She said that though corruption may be widespread there, and you will even find horrible people there... but that is where you also find the best of the best of this Ummah.  Subhanallah after taking this course this weekend I understand this even more.  Even those figures we look up to here in North America that live amoung us today, they were not all born here, and if they were they went overseas to gain their knowledge.  And though the knowledge could technically be made available here through books and computers... its the akhlaaq that students must learn first.  I believe its only when you are sitting in the presence of a great scholar and have this exposure that you can fully develop true love and respect of the deen and ilm.  And we dont have that here.

No, this doesn't mean Im ready to pack my bags and move to a muslim country tomorrow, or even within a few years.  But I now believe that a muslim cannot reach their full potential as a student of knowledge by remaining permanently in these lands.  At the least I think it is essential to travel (even if temporarily) to gain true ilm... and I pray that Allah swt grants us the means to do this.

May Allah SWT help us to do not only what is right for our children, but that which is best for them!  May He give us the strength and patience and wisdom that we need to raise leaders of our Ummah. May He help us to  have and achieve high goals in life and to accomplish that which will please Him and also increase our sources of sadaatul jaariyah, Ameen.

Id like to share this video which I feel is a perfect ending to my weekend of being encouraged and motivated... please watch.

why WE homeschool

I know its been really slow around here with my posts! Inshaallah I plan on being more regular.  The main reason why I had the long break in posting was because we had a pretty long break in homeschooling.  In September we put Yusuf in school.  He attended JK at an Islamic school which has a very good reputation for their Islamic and Arabic Curriculum.  We didn't put him in school because we were finished with homeschooling, we made this decision because mashallah we were blessed with the opportunity to perform Hajj last year.  In preparation of leaving Yusuf for three weeks, we figured putting him in school would not only help him cope with being separated from us, but also keep him busy while we were gone.  During this time Ibraheem and I also were going to school.  Ibraheem went to the daycare and I attended Taleemul Quran classes.  The three of us were going to school Mon - Fri, 8am-4pm everyday for about two months.  I went through alot of mixed emotions during this time (having Ibby cry for me every single day shred my heart to pieces!) and both my husband and I came away from this experience with a lot more insight on how we would like to raise our family.


I strongly considered keeping Yusuf in school for the entire school year.  Alhamdulllah mashallah he did much better adjusting than I expected.  He didn't love school, but he didn't hate it either.  His teacher was awesome and actually a good friend of mine, and even a former homeschooler! [ you can find her blog here]. But while away on hajj we both had alot of time to reflect on our lives and goals in life.  And of course, after pleasing Allah, doing whats best for our family is at the top of the list!  And the day we arrived home was the day we took Yusuf out of school. 


After returning from hajj, keeping Ibby in the preschool long term was not even an option.  Having Yusuf stay was something we considered, but after talking about it with my husband we decided it was best to return to homeschooling.  We also sat down with Yusuf and asked him what he thought.  He had a huge smile on his face when we gave him the option of staying home again.  


Before I was even pregnant with Yusuf, I was interested in homeschooling and when I brought the idea up with my husband back then he thought I was crazy!  After having Yusuf and as I got more involved in the homeschooling community my husband became more open minded.  But it wasn't until we put Yusuf in school that my husband became fully supportive of homeschooling and agreed that it was best for us!


As I said, we learned a lot in those two months where we were all attending school.  It was a difficult period for me but Im glad we went through it because my eyes were really opened and I appreciate our homeschooling lifestyle much more now.


Here are a few of my thoughts regarding our choice to homeschool:


*When I think back to the days where we were all going to school, the main thing I remember is chaos! I always felt so rushed!  I didn't feel like I was enjoying my kids and I felt like we were all in our own world... my husband with work, Yusuf with Jk... Ibby with preschool and me with my class.  By the time we all got home at the end of the day we didn't have the time or energy to enjoy one another.  Weekdays were all about school: rushing to get ready in the morning, going to school, coming home tired, rushing dinner n bed n then doing it all over again the next morning.  Yes, homeschooling can be crazy busy at times, but I feel that it gives us the opportunity to enjoy each other much more than we did while in school.


*I feel that we are much more involved in our children's lives.  When Yusuf was going to school, wed have the typical conversation...wed ask him, "How was your day?" Hed reply "Fine." Wed ask "What did you learn?"  Hed say, "Nothing."  I know this is normal and I dont believe he learned nothing... but its common for kids to forget or just not want to talk much once they get home.  With homeschooling, were constantly learning together and I think its such an amazing opportunity to watch our kids grow and share so many memorable experiences with them.  Yes, Im being selfish...I want to be the one who watches them struggle for months with sounding out words and then they finally reach the point where they can read fluently! I want to be the one to see my child's eyes light up when they finally figure out the answer to the math question they've been trying to figure out!  Alhamdulillah this is one of the biggest blessings of homeschooling and a priceless feeling!


*Mashallah we are blessed to have two beautiful boys who are fairly close in age and have come to a point in their relationship where they can communicate and play together.  I LOVE seeing them together.  Yusuf is mashallah so patient with Ibby slows down just to take time to explain or teach something to his brother.  And Ibby looks up to Yusuf like no one else.  They  learn so much from each other and I think sibling relationships do not have the chance to flourish with the school routine.  Ibby would literally cry out Yusuf's name when Id leave him in his class.  They missed each other alot.  But by the time we all got home from school they were both so cranky and they'd just take it out on each other and rarely have the chance to enjoy each other anymore.  With homeschooling they are able to continue to build their relationship and learn from each other.  The Prophet Muhammad SAW said we must show respect to those who are older than us and show mercy to those who are younger than us.  And I truly believe homeschooling provides much more opportunities to develop this as most settings are mixed in ages.


*This is more of a personal reflection, but I felt as if someone else was doing my job.  I felt as if I was falling short on my responsibilities as a mother.  This doesnt mean I judge or look down on those who choose to put their kids in school.  Like I said, this is personal.  And because of my strong feelings towards homeschooling and it being best for our family, it made me feel guilty to have them in school.  Especially Ibraheem!  I truly believe that a child under four years old should not be left in a school setting unless the circumstances are desperate.  I believe our society puts way too much pressure on mothers to have their kids in a structured school environment as soon as possible.  Daycares now accept such young ages and I personally believe this is a contributing fact to why our society is failing.  There is so much emphasis on being independent, from such a young age!  WHY does a two year old have to be independent of his mother?! I think this is a very modern idea and also a corrupt one.  No wonder Old Age homes are so common now... from only a few months old, parents are pushing their children out of the home.. of course the children are going to turn around and push their parents out of the house once they become slightly dependent on their grown children.  


Again,  I have to make it clear that I do believe in certain situations, it is better for a child to be in daycare and some people do not have the choice.  But I also believe that there is so much unnecessary pressure on mothers to put their babies in daycares for no other reason but to make them 'independent.'  


I have had numerous people come up to me and ask me why I dont go to work and put my kids in daycare (starting when they were only six months old!).  I dont understand the logic behind me going to work (especially as an ECE where Id be watching other peoples kids when I could just be with own?!) and then have a big chunk of my salary go towards my kids daycare fees?  I believe the majority of kids should be at home at least until 4 years old with their mother unless there are dire circumstances.  Yes, we live in a basement apartment and share an old van... I could go get a job so we could enjoy the luxury of having a double salary income... but I rather sacrifice that and stay home with my kids.


Okay... onto the next point = )


*The number one issue that always comes up with people when they find out we homeschool is.....SOCIALIZATION?!?!?!?  For those of you who have met my kids, you know that mashallah they do not lack on this skill!  But for those of you who haven't met my kids, or are still under the impression that homeschooling stumps a child's ability to socialize, heres what I think.... I believe weve been programmed to think that socialization equals being put in a room with 29 other kids with the same calendar age.  And I question this definition.  Why does my child need to be with only four year olds for 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week, 10 months a year?  Seriously, what benefit comes out of it?  Okay, yes, they make friends.  But as an adult, how many of your friends are born in the same year as you?  At work, how many of your coworkers who you have to learn to interact with are your exact age?  In reality, we have to learn to deal with people of all ages and homeschooling gives more of an opportunity to develop this skill.  


The school system often gives a child the mentality that anyone in a younger grade is a baby and not worthy of their time, and anyone in a grade older is not gonna have time for you because to them, youre a baby.  I even saw it with Yusuf when he went to school.  He thought his brother was a baby all of a sudden and he was too cool to play with him.  I really dislike this mentality and alhamdulilah I believe homschooling minimizes this.  


Yes I will still make an effort for my kids to interact with kids their age and plan playdates and such.  But I dont believe that they need to be with kids their exact same age for the majority of the time in order for them to be socially functional.  And maybe, in the long run my kids will turn out to be shy (doesnt look like it right now though!)  and Im okay with that and I wont blame it on homeschooling... because we all know many kids who attend regular school turn out to be shy too!  


Alhamdulilah my kids have exposure to kids who are older then they are and they have the courage to go up to them and talk to them.  And chances are if that kid is homeschooled he will also take the time out to show compassion and maybe even teach my kids something.  And on the other hand my kids also get exposure to kids that are younger than they are which gives them the opportunity to practice being kind and gentle to them.


*I personally believe two things are essential for successful homeschooling : love for your children (which we ALL have) and a support system, whether it be your husband, family or friends.  Its so important as a homeschooling mother to be able to talk about your feelings, your struggles and have someone listen and understand.  Sometimes you can feel really alone being with your kids all day every day ... but being able to send an email or call up someone to talk to makes a huge difference and can really be a sanity saver!


I dont believe homeschooling is for everyone.  But I do believe many mothers who have an interest in homeschooling shut themselves down too quickly by saying they dont have the qualifications or patience or talent or time!  There's no harm in trying!  And I think its much better for a family to at least try homeschooling (if they have the interest) and then put their kids back in school if its really not working, then to just dismiss their inclination by blaming it on lack of qualifications, patience, talent or time.


Ive had many people come up to me and praise me to my face because of my choice to homeschool, and they continue on by putting themselves down saying they'd never be able to because they dont have the patience or skill.  What my blog shows of me is not the full truth... I welcome you to ask my husband and kids what our life is really like!  We have crazy days, a far from spotless home and I have tons of not-so-pretty moments! Im not a super mom!  Im a regular person with many flaws just like anyone else out there.  Im just blessed to have an amazing husband and kids,  and also to be part of a few mailing lists, homeschooling and playgroups which offer a huge support for me... without these two, I would not have made it this far.  I know well continue to have bad days and I know Ill keep making mistakes as I learn along the way... but I pray that in the end, when Iook back at our homeschooling journey, Ill be content that I tried my best and I beg Allah swt to make the result (our grown children) something that we're proud of!  Ameen!


In the end, everyone has to do whats best for their family!  And that's what we feel we are doing.  Homeschooling is not easy.  Its not about teaching your kids 5 days a week for a set amount of hours.  Its an entire life style with lots of struggles... bad days... exhaustion and frustration...but it also has countless priceless moments which make every struggle worth it!

Love You Forever

Tonight before bed we read "Love You Forever."  After I finished reading it, I told Yusuf that one day hes going to be big and have a wife, and kids, and a house, and a car, and a job and hell be busy but he can never forget about us.  And then I was telling him about how Momma and Baba did so much for him when he was small: play with him, wash him, feed him... and Yusuf added:  vacuumed for him.  Then I told him how when we get old he will have to take care of us.  We also spoke about the dua from the Quran which translates as " Oh Allah take care of my parents like they took care of me when I was small."  Within a minute Yusufs face went red and his eyes filled with tears and he barely managed to get the words out, "But Ill miss you."  My heart sunk!  I told him its okay to feel sad and that Ill miss him too, but well always be a family!  Then more tears flowed as he told me that hell miss us when we die.  (This is when my tears started to come too)  I told him that we have to be really good muslims and make dua so that we can go to Jannah and be together forever and how well never feel sad in Jannah.  He asked me if his grandmother will take care of him when we die.  I told him inshaAllah we wont die until he is older and by then he will be able to take care of himself.  But for now we are together and we should be happy for that.  I also said that no matter what happens Ill always love him, and that Allah is the Only One who will be able to be with him all the time and Allah will always take care of him.

It was not an easy conversation, but I am grateful it came out.  I think we both learned some important lessons.

Yusuf, may Allah swt always keep your heart soft towards your parents.  We will make mistakes, but we have and will always try our best to do whats right.  May Allah fill your heart with mercy towards us especially when we are older.  And may Allah allow us to be a means of Jannah for you, Ameen.

I love you forever.